There's No Place Like Home

I've just taken a couple of weeks out of my busy LA schedule to travel back to England - so nice of everybody to get the flags out for me!!

Of course it's just pure coincidence that we are back for our hols at the same time as the Royal Wedding - despite being able to string a few American acquaintances along for a couple of weeks we really didn't come back just to witness the nupitals of Wills and Kate. It's all to do with that quaint old thing called school holidays - my daughter doesn't get very many in the US so we decided to take advantage of the fact that she's now off for 10 days and come back down to earth for a reality check.

There is a great atmosphere in the UK at the moment, personally I think this is more to do with the glorious weather than that wedding although most people do seem pretty happy about that too - and the extra day off work of course. I have tried to explain this purely British phenomenon about the weather to my new American friends but its not really something those lucky Californians with their constant sunshine will ever understand. The British really do make hay when the sun shines - we get out there and make the most of it, after all you never know how long it will last.  The village where we have our UK home was positively buzzing; the pubs were packed; beer gardens and parks overflowing and yes there were actually kids swimming in the river.   Everyone just heads outdoors, takes the day off, strips off, packs a picnic or lights the BBQ. To have nearly three weeks of unbroken warm sunshine is almost unheard of in April, even rarer to have it over a bank holiday weekend as well.

Americans don't get that either - this bank holiday thing - my husband's colleagues can't believe how many days off work we Europeans get given each year. Fortunately my husband went out to the US on his home country leave entitlement - most US employees have a miserly 10 days annual leave per year and if they are lucky perhaps another five added on as paid time off - which they have to use if they are sick. After that any additional days are unpaid.

Most UK workers will have four fully paid days off out of the last working 10, without taking any leave at all. Canny folks who have planned carefully will have taken 7 days leave to have a continuous period of 17 days off work. Not bad eh?

So how is England? Is it much changed? Well my local Tesco was absolutely packed and food was flying off the shelves like there was no tomorrow - despite all this talk of a recession. Fresh fruit and veg was still a lot cheaper and looked a lot fresher than anything I can buy at my local US Ralphs, despite the further distance it has to travel and the increasing cost of fuel. Talking of which the price of petrol is twice the price it is in LA, and yes everyone does moan about it but most people are happy to drive around in smaller cars, will use public transport and can and do walk. All this fuss about rising gas prices back in the US and not once during the petrol saving tips they keep dishing out on TV has anyone suggested leaving the SUV at home and using your legs instead. But there you go - a  few more price hikes and they might get there eventually. (In case you are wondering the top tip is usually drive 50 miles out of your way to save 5 cents a gallon.)

How are the people? Well the sun is shining so everyone is extremely cheerful and very friendly. Hardly a grim miserable face to be seen. Of course not everyone rushed to greet me effusively, and no shop assistant instantly started acting like my new BFF, but that was okay. I could cope with that - I'm a grown up. I knew it wasn't because they didn't like me, it's just that old fashioned British reserve. I wasn't offended - I positively enjoyed the opportunity to browse in peace.

It's good to meet up with several old friends and yes, visit lots of very pleasant hostelries and have a good old gossip over an alcoholic beverage or two. It feels good to stay in the pub until after 10.00 pm, not need a calculator to work out the correct amount of gratuities, or be under the impression that the staff can't wait for us to leave.

It's good to catch all the old favourites on TV - Come Dine With Me, Masterchef and my day time treat -Homes Under the Hammer! It's a relief to watch programmes that credit the audience with an ounce of intelligence and aren't interupted every ten minutes by a lengthy commerical break (even the commericals seem positively intellectual). TV news is always more credible when it isn't presented by a Barbie doll or sponsored by Ducolax, and it really is quite enlightening to find out what is happening out there in the rest of the world.

My daughter can just take herself off every morning and meet up with her old school friends - there's no having to taxi her here there and everywhere. Just normal kids taking a walk or catching the local train or bus to meet up - rediscovering the freedom and independence that she just doesn't have in the States.

So, all in all, it feels very good to be back home and have my feet well and truly back on the ground. Happy smiley faces all round - until it starts to rain of course! That'll be Friday then.

　

　
　

The Social Wife

As I have mentioned before I’m only in the US because of my husband’s job – I am a bit of a reluctant alien.  I wasn’t wholly behind the idea of moving to America, but I knew it was what my husband really wanted to do so I was prepared to give it a shot.  I’ve always loved to travel, and having a family had put the wanderlust on hold for several years.  It seemed as good a time as any to dust off the suitcases and set off in expedition mode again.

Of course luxury apartment living in Pasadena isn’t quite the same as camping out under the stars, but for some bizarre reason I had imagined we would be re-capturing the adventurous spirit of our lost youth by moving here.  What I hadn’t taken into account was far from setting off exploring at every available opportunity, my daughter would be stuck in school and my husband would be stuck at his desk.  Work does tend to get in the way of things.

A little social animal like me needs company, and being left at home to my own devices everyday whilst the others set off for school and work isn’t always as exciting as it sounds. Being an ex-pat wife might evoke the impression of one continuous giddy social whirl – coffee mornings, long lazy lunches, afternoon tea followed by a G&T on the lawn at six and clubhouse cocktails at nine. Dream on…..that colonial lifestyle is far removed from anything I’ve experienced over here.  An ex-pat wife's days are often long, lonely and boring.

Playing second fiddle to someone else’s career does make you feel insignificant and slightly “surplus” to requirement.  The unofficial HR term of  "trailing spouse" only reiterates the feeling that you are little more than a piece of excess baggage following on behind.  There must be a more complimentary name they could use - I like to think of myself as a "lovsuppar" (Loving Supportive Partner) or, even better a "Great Woman" - after all isn't there one of those behind every successful man?

Yet when my successful man comes home in the evening, filling me in on the trials and tribulations of his hard day's work, I realise that whatever I've done with my day it will never seem to match the excitement of his and I don't feel "great" at all.  I do feel like that mousey little trailing spouse who has just come along for the ride.  He's been up since four  in the morning to take a conference call to China so how fascinating can I make the school run seem? Oh I drove to school like Lewis Hamilton; weaved in and out of the traffic; jumped a couple of red lights (actually that's not a bad account of how most of the other school moms get there!) How enthralling was my morning's gardening? Three hours of extreme weeding - it was like battling with triffids. And the grocery shopping? Well that's not going to captivate anyone.

When he comes home and checks his blackberry first before greeting me with a kiss, I remind him he couldn't do it without me and he tells me yes he could - he'd just have to pay someone else to do the ironing.....(he's joking of course - isn't he??)

I suppose it's just a question of adjusting to all this quality "me" time, using it wisely and creating a new niche for myself.  My L2 visa means I can't officially work or undertake any form of job training; I already volunteer; so what else can I do with my time?  I worry that I've gone from being this perfectly capable woman who held down a job, ran a home, looked after two kids and had a busy social life to this Stepford style wife filling her day with triva.

I do go to coffee and lunch with other ex-pats, I do spend time sat by the pool and yes I do take the occasional trip to the nail spa. Far from being a guilty pleasure, a pedicure has now become an absolute necessity - by the time I've walked to the salon and back, had my feet massaged and some beautiful design applied to my toes I've used up at least an hour of an otherwise empty day.

When you have so little going on in your life even the smallest of pleasures takes on a whole new significance.

Take the example of the travel kettle for instance.  I've just booked a trip to the East Coast for our summer vacation, and fed up of staying in American hotels where they only ever give you a filter coffee maker I went on line and ordered a travel kettle from Amazon. Its arrival in the post caused great excitement - a small but perfectly formed bright red kettle which would enhance our vacation no end.  Would my enthusiasm be shared? How impressive can I make the "one-click" purchase of a $30 travel kettle sound to a man who has spent  all day negotiating an international  sub-contract for a mega-million dollars worth of steel pipe?  

So, how was your day darling?

The Happiest Place

When my daughters learned I was planning to do a post about Disney they were horrified.  You can’t knock Disney they cried. I assured them I wasn’t going to knock it, or make any nasty sarky comments – as if I would – it was just going to a brief report on our recent day out – a sort of guide to Disney for the uninitiated.

Quite frankly I’ve done enough Disney since we’ve been here in America.  Years ago when the kids were small we took them to Orlando for two weeks and had such a great time we didn’t want to go home.  But it was different then – America was a novelty and when you go somewhere on holiday it is very different from actually living there.

Now here in Pasadena, we are just a mere 40 minute drive away from the original Disneyland park at Anaheim.  We spent a day there when we first arrived in America 18 months ago and had a lot of fun; we went again when daughter No 1 visited for our first American Christmas, and again had lots of fun. But I’ve done it now.  I had no real desire to go back and we’ve never succumbed to the lure of buying the Southern California resident discount annual pass.  That would just be too much fun.

However, being suckers for punishment when my daughter and her visiting college friend expressed a desire to go  the Happiest Place in the World, we gave in and set off to Disney once more. There are two parks at Anaheim – the traditional Disneyland and the more modern California Adventure Park.  A two park in one day hopper ticket costs about $100 dollars each and for a mere $10 more we could have upgraded to a two day pass which really was something of a bargain.  However,  due to the closeness of the expiry date of the offer it meant we would have to returned for the second day within the next few weeks.....to the sales assistant's surprise, we decided to decline.

In order to get the most out of a trip to Disney you have to plan your day with military precision.  Get there early and choose your rides carefully.  Yes I joined all the other moms rushing into the California Adventure Park when it opened at 10 am to bag a ticket for that evening's Magical World of Colour Light Show whilst dad and the kids whizzed around in the other park on something fast and exciting.  But that’s what you have to do.  Fast passes are included with your admission and if you use them wisely on the more popular rides you can usually avoid too long a queue – anything with less than a 30 minute wait don’t bother to waste your fast pass.

Once inside the parks, you are a captive audience, which is why they can afford to give away those annual passes and hopper tickets at such a bargain.  Don't  forget it's $15 every time you go to park your car and Disney food  is expensive and it's hardly cordon bleu, but then again you don't go to Disney to  waste precious time sitting down to eat. There are no McDonalds or Pizza Huts in the park offering you a cheaper alternative – everything is Disneyfied.  Disney burgers, Disney fries and yes there are Disney salads and even quite substantial Disney meals, but it’s not cheap.   The gift shops are full of memorabilia which everybody buys but nobody really needs.  It is all beautifully laid out and very tempting - go on just  another Disney bottle opener please......

We did resist the urge to purchase the Mickey Mouse ears or other Disney apparel as worn by about 90% of all visitors.  Every time I visit Disney I never cease to be amazed at the sight of middle-aged American couples dressed in full Disney regalia, proudly displaying a large collection of pin badges reminiscent of over-grown boy scouts. I can’t get my head around the idea that anyone without kids would actually want to go there either, let alone for a hen party or a honeymoon.  But they do.

Now don’t get me wrong, Disney really is a great day out. There is a lot of walking around; a lot of  patiently standing  in line  and a lot of "awe that's so cute" moments going on.  The Magical World of Colour Light Show was impressive and the nightly fire works are always good.  It is fun place; it brings out the inner child in you, and it’s what America does best.   Disney resorts are huge well organized operations, the parks are always very clean, very manicured, the staff plentiful, helpful and polite. The rides are mostly fun, rather than exhilarating, and for kids who have been spoon fed the Little Mermaid since birth its  wonderful. Funnily enough my kids have never wanted to wait in line for Snow White’s autograph, or have their photo taken with Goofy or Cruella De Ville but there were plenty of others who do.

 

Yes there is something very magical about walking through those gates for the very first time and seeing Sleeping Beauty’s Castle, but at the end of a very (expensive) day out is it really the happiest place in the world?

Disney is a huge corporation which brings pleasure to millions but at the same time its sole purpose in life is not to make us happy but to make it's shareholders mega-million bucks.  Too much fantasy and you lose track of reality.

Were we happy?  No I was completely exhausted, had a thumping headache and couldn’t wait to get home.  So glad we didn’t take that two day pass upgrade.

Art for Art's Sake

Last weekend we had some spare time on our hands so we decided to pay a visit the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA).  We’d had daughter No 1 over for a couple of weeks with a college friend and had been out doing lots of tourist stuff, so I felt in need of a bit of a culture fix again.

A month or so ago whilst venturing into downtown LA I had been enticed into the Museum of Contemporary Art (MoCA) on one of it’s “free” afternoons - just as well it was free otherwise I might have asked for my money back under the Trade Descriptions Act.  I’m sorry but I don’t consider three wooden steps covered in beige carpet or a dead bird in a disused hen house to be "art" – but there you go, what do I know?

However, at least LACMA sells itself as having a little bit of everything. It’s a vast space with nine separate buildings housing a variety of ancient and modern art from around the world - paintings, sculptures, artifacts, textiles.  It was also my first opportunity to view some South and Central American art  which was quite enlightening.

But the real highlight of the show was the contemporary galleries where I came across the work of the artist Jeff Koons.  Now I’d never heard of Mr Koons but I recognized his work straight away – this is the guy who has made a fortune from his gold leaf painted porcelain statues of Michael Jackson and his pet chimp Bubbles, and who does a nice little line in large scale reproductions in stainless steel of blow up toys.  In fact the centre piece of the exhibition was a very large metallic replica of a blue balloon poodle.  Fascinating.  Other works of Mr Koons on display included two plastic inflatable beach toys hanging off a metal fence, and a child’s sit on inflatable caterpillar wedged between the rungs of a stepladder. The man is a genious - how on earth did he get away with that one?

(If you want to see what I mean take a look at http://www.jeffkoons.com/site/index.html  Popeye collection)

I’m not quite sure what goes on in Mr Koons’ head when he’s coming up with these designs but I suppose it does get you thinking and at least his work is bright, colourful and puts an ironic smile on your face. More than can be said for some of the other items on display.  We hurried on past a large piece of black canvas hung on the wall at slightly irregular angle (I think that one was called Who Forgot the Spirit Level?) and  came face to face with  the White Hexagon -  and yes it was exactly that - a hardboard  hexagon painted white.  I’m pretty sure the only thought in this artist’s head was what mug can I sell this piece to.

By the time we reached the giant sized tray of cat litter I’d had enough.

There will be plenty of people out there who will say I’m just a philistine who doesn’t know a  Pablo Picasso from an Andy Warhol - well actually I do.  I’m sorry but all this contemporary stuff just smacks a little too much of the tale of the Emperors’ Clothes for my liking.

Now whenever I do these posts I do usually like to start with a relevant photograph of whatever it is I’m harping on about. Unfortunately I didn’t take my camera to LACMA so I’ve just had to use my imagination and rustle up a little piece of my own to illustrate the type of work on display.  Unfortunately I didn’t have any balloons, inflatables or cat litter to hand, but remember you saw this one first on LITLAB. It’s entitled Blue Square on White Paper and I’m hoping somebody out there will like it enough to make me an offer – starting bids anyone?

An Education

Even though our teenage daughter has been in school here for the last 18 months I have so been remarkably restrained in making any comment about the American education system. This is mainly because this is my blog and its all about me, but seriously, I'm not the one in the system so I don't think I'm the one actually qualified to comment.
 

However, I do have the urge every now and then to be helpful and informative, so here’s a brief (that’s a joke I don't do brief!) run down on what I think of the show so far….

When we initially sounded out the idea of moving to America, nearly everyone we spoke to cast doubts upon the merits of the US school system.  We were warned its academic standards were generally behind the UK and I was reliably informed that the High School Diploma which is attained by students here at 18, is only considered the equivalent of GCSE's which are taken at age 16 in the UK. 

Obviously concerned because we knew at some point our daughter would have to integrate back into the UK system, I subsequently spent a great deal of time searching the internet prior to our move in an effort to ensure she received the best education possible. I found a wonderful website called  “super-school-moms-dot-com” or something similar, which rather naively became my bible. I became determined that our daughter was only going to attend one of their top 10 out of 10 scoring state (public) schools.

Our first surprise was discovering that at 13 our daughter was not actually eligible for High School and would have to spend her first year here in “Middle” School which immediately confirmed this image of a less advanced school system.  However, far from twiddling her thumbs our daughter came home every night with mountains of homework.

Good Grades appear to be the be-all and end-all of the American education system and by good grades I mean A's and A+'s.  A "B" which would have been considered Bloody Good at my daughter's last school in the UK was now distinctly Below Average.  The majority of the class were going home to two hours private tuition every night and there appeared to be enormous pressure on everyone to "over" achieve.

Our daughter is now at a private High School and whilst this school didn’t score 10 out of 10 on my super-school-moms website, it did give us the freedom to move out of the suburbs and into town. We visited the school, spoke to staff and liked the feel of the place, probably a far better way to judge than looking at statistics on a website, but obviously a lot easier to actually do when you are living locally, rather than having to make decisions from overseas.

So major differences we've found so far between the US education system and the UK?

Behaviour - our daughter has definitely found the discipline in class much better here both in the state school system and the private – this may well be because we live in a very affluent area; it might just be a reflection on her last British school! Generally speaking we have all found American kids to be much more polite and well mannered than their British counterparts - especially the boys! Back home we'd be lucky to be greeted with a grunt - here they shake your hand and refer to you as Mr & Mrs - definitely an improvement!

Obviously sport is very high on the agenda and this really does foster  a feeling of unity, identity and pride.  It's the same for the school band - and every school will have one - along with cheerleaders, flag wavers and lots of kids who just want to march up and down.  Everyone wants to be included; they want to join in; despite the hours of commitment involved with rehearsals and training. You aren’t seen as some kind of geeky freak just because you want to play the trombone five nights a week.  Success is positively encouraged and celebrated – be it sporting or academic; definitely a good thing which a lot of British schools could do with taking on board!

Parental involvement is also much more prominent here than in the UK - there will be a very active Parents Association (headed up by an army of those super-school-moms) and you will be expected to volunteer and take part, be it baking cookies, tossing a burger on the BBQ at the next football game, or donating  large sums of money.

So much for the social scene, what about the actual academics?  Well......California may well be different from other parts of America but a lot of the teaching here is definitely learning by rote. Read a chapter from a text book; memorise facts; have a test; receive a (good) grade; move on.

American High School is very much geared to preparing students for college entry, and for college entry here in California you do need those good grades. During recent end of term exams my daughter's class were allowed to have crib sheets with them; I suppose that’s one way of ensuring everyone hits the right mark. Parental expectations are very high both on the kids, and on the school to produce results. Our daughter has certainly had to work very hard - but I remain to be convinced that it isn't a case of quantity - to appease the parents - over quality.

Lessons here do seem to be more rigid and formal than in the UK; the curriculum is definitely narrower - especially in the private sector. Work has to be presented in a set format and there certainly doesn't seem to be a great deal of scope within the school system for too much free thinking, imagination, creativity, improvisation, and more practical “life” skills!

At the end of the day, coming to America has been education for all of us and if we have harmed or enhanced our daughter's academic prospects because of it, only time will tell. Personally, I would like to think that it will be the lessons learned from the school of life that will prove to be the most valuable lessons of all.