I don’t lead a very eventful life so sometimes it’s quite hard to find something to write a post about, especially as I have become so immune to the idiosyncracies of American life that incidents that would have once sent me off into a apoplexic rant now cause little more than a raised eyebrow.
I endeavour to keep my blog interesting, charming, witty – an extension of my personality – and I don’t really want to fill it with mundane facebook style comments reflecting what I’ve really be up to: having a cup of tea, doing the ironing, cleaning the loo. Who wants to know?
So, seeking inspiration I set out for one of my long morning walks. My walks have been curtailed recently, for no other reason than that to be honest I couldn’t be bothered. It’s very easy to fall into a pit of lethargy. But as usual the joys of middle-class suburban America came up trumps – I know if I stay out pounding the streets long enough something wonderful will happen.
It actually felt quite good to be back on my old stomping ground. The garden sprinklers are back on, watering the pavements, and one of the yappy dogs that used to bark at me quite regularly appears to have developed asthma over the winter – this morning it wasn’t so much of a bark as a rasping wheeze. The air is too dry, California needs rain. On average LA usually only gets 10” of rain a year, this year figures are down 4” less than normal and come the end of March the chance of precipitation drops to zero. One of the large colonial mansions on my route was under wraps for termite fumigation – yep if you get infested the whole house has to be tented. It did briefly occur to me that if desperate I could write a post on the wonders of termite eradication after all that’s something we definitely don’t have in the UK, along with people doing their grocery shopping in their slippers and pyjamas, but no, the highlight of this morning’s walk was another contender for my multi-tasking whilst driving award.
I’m not perfect and I know I’ve done things in the past in my car that I rather wish I hadn’t – we all do, but back in the UK we tend to do it whilst the car is stationary. Here, in the land of the automatic then of course you only need one hand and one foot to drive, with the other you can do whatever you want –rest your leg on the dashboard, paint your toe nails, eat a burger, send a text, and most common of all drink a Starbucks.
An American’s car really is an extension of their home and these people lead busy lives, especially school-moms. Not only do they spend half their lives ferrying their kids from one after school activity to another, little league baseball, taekwondo, followed by two hours private Math tuition, they will also have a hectic schedule of their own to fit in, hot-yoga, psycho-therapy, manicure, pedicure, face-lift and cardio-barre. So there is definitely no time to stop and brew a pot of tea or cook a meal. Convenience food is king. Cars are bought and sold here on the merits of the drinks holder – if it’ll fit a super-sized Venti Choca-Mocco-Latte it’s a winner but at least your super-sized Venti-Choca-Mocco-Latte will have a lid on it to prevent spillage whilst driving.
This morning’s super school mom I passed was holding a mug of coffee in her right hand. Yes, a proper, china mug, holding it by the handle, nicely poised above her six year’s bare knees as she swung her car left-handed around a tight corner. Now if that’s not an accident waiting to happen, what is.
C’mon mom, if you’ve been industrious enough to actually make your own coffee, at least take the time out to sit down somewhere relaxing and SAFE to drink it. I know the teenager wont believe I’ve actually written this – but perhaps there is a case for Starbucks after all!!
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