Sense of Humour Failure

It’s a well known fact that the British and the Americans do not share the same sense of humour – and never is that more apparent than when it comes to greetings cards.  You wouldn’t think something so simple could cause such a headache, but March is a particularly busy time for me on the birthday front and I need at least half a dozen cards for various members of the family. 

Last year, I was back in the UK for a week in February and having already sussed out that the American greeting card market left a lot to be desired, I purchased all my cards for the next couple of months whilst I was back home.  That’s almost like having an OCD in forward planning, but this year unfortunately I have no choice but to purchase my cards here.  If there was ever a time to become Martha Stewart and start home card making– this is it!

Shop bought cards seem to come in two categories –  those full of effusive OTT sentimental twaddle, or toilet humour.  There doesn’t seem to be an awful lot in between.

Cards for family members can’t just say Happy Birthday Dad, or Happy Birthday Mom – no they go  gushing on about how wonderful everyone is.  Of course I love everyone I’m sending a card to, but that doesn’t mean I want to send them a three page eulogy.  The alternative is the “Humorous” card – which really is not funny.  Trying to find a card you want to send to a friend or a more casual acquaintance is a total nightmare - most of the cards I find in the “Humorous” section I wouldn’t even send to my worst enemy – let alone someone I actually liked!

American card manufacturers seem to think sticking a picture of a wrinkly old person on a card will automatically have the recipient rolling around the floor laughing; I’ve seen cards that are blatantly ageist, sexist, racist and just downright revolting.  And as for those for sale under the category of “Humor for Her” does every woman approaching a 40^th birthday want to be reminded she is entering the menopause? No! There are other things in life to look forward to rather than a “hot flash” (that’s a hot flush to us Brits – a  flash is something completely different!!)

American humour seems to extend to body parts and bodily functions only.  Anything else doesn’t appear to enter the realms of their imagination.

Sometimes, when there is absolutely nothing else to do, we find ourselves watching episodes of America’s Funniest Video's on TV – the US version of You’ve Been Framed.  We’ve been here long enough now to be able to correctly identify the winning home video from the final three - it’ll always be the one with the child going to toilet, or the dog doing something unmentionable.  Where’s good old Harry Hill when you need him!

And back to the card issue - birthday cards are just a very small portion of the American card market – there is a card for absolutely everything and every eventuality.  Valentine’s Day Cards – “Happy Valentines Day to My Grandad” what is that all about?  And then of course, St Patrick Day Cards – why? Yes sure send one to all your cousins back in Ireland if you have to but do the rest of us need one?  Americans seem to have adopted the Patron Saint of Ireland as their very own and yes – you will get wished a “happy St Patty’s Day” as you walk around town on March 17th. Houses that last month were adorned with Valentine Day flags and wreaths are now decked with vivid green shamrocks and those “lucky” Irish leprechauns are suddenly springing up everywhere. 

According to Wikipedia, St Patricks’ Day is “one of the leading days for consumption of alcohol in the United States, and is typically one of the busiest days of the year for bars and restaurants. Many people, regardless of ethnic background, wear green clothing and items. Traditionally, those who are caught not wearing green are pinched affectionately.”

Well anyone who pinches me “affectionately” will certainly get more than they bargained for – especially if they catch me just after I've spent a futile two hours in a greeting card shop.

Now where did I put that glue stick?