The Unanswered Question

Major book retailers Borders recently announced that it’s closing all its stores.  Well I’m not surprised.  We visited our local Borders a couple of weeks back just before the company made its public announcement and to be honest the place was a shambles. The shop floor was like a jumble sale and there was a very long line at the check out with just one sales assistant.

There was a second assistant at the desk but he couldn’t help because, as he explained to another customer, he was busy “de-magnitising some stock”.  Well I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only person who would have quite liked to de-magnitise him.  Anyway, he did grudgingly give up on his magnets to eventually help his colleague out and when it was our turn to pay he politely enquired on auto-pilot as they always do, had we found everything we wanted okay today? Of course the standard answer to this is always yes thank-you, but as it had actually taken us taken quite a while to find what we wanted, my husband politely pointed out that we had had some difficulty finding the right book. “But you’ve got what you wanted now”, was the assistant's answer to that, “so we’re all okay.”

Well what was the point in asking then?

That was when I really wish I had said:  Now listen here Magnet Boy, your store’s a complete mess, service is diabolical and no wonder everyone would rather download an e-book. But of course that would have been rude and I’m not a rude person but there are certainly times when all these American gratuitous pleasantries are quite frankly, pointless. Why bother asking the question if you’re not interested in the answer?

I feel the same when I’m always asked “how’s your day going?”. I’m never sure how I’m expected to respond – after all surely nobody really wants a blow by blow account of what I’ve been up to but on the other hand why should I always feel I have to mutter a polite “good, thank you” when in fact my day might well have been bloody awful? Why is there the need over here for all this superfluous conversation? Can’t I just pay my money in peace and get out of the shop? Is that really too much to ask for? 

Maybe this is a suitable question for the book of “62 Unanswered Questions.”  We spotted this little gem whilst standing in that long line at Borders.  Americans have endless patience and as I’ve said before, you have to learn to use that time wisely.  Waiting in line presents the perfect chance to reflect, meditate and flick through items on the Sale Table – the usual array of totally useless publications which you can understand perfectly why nobody has ever wanted to buy.

"62 Unanswered Questions" included such eternal dilemma's as "Should you urinate in front of another person?" (which surely begs the 63rd question of why on earth would you ever want to?) but the book that really caught my eye was "Knit Your Own Dog". Well I can knit and as anyone who reads this blog regularly knows, I do get a tad bored left to my own devices all day, so this sounds like the perfect solution.  25 knitting patterns for re-creating the entire Kennel Club, everything from a Welsh Corgi to a Red Setter – in perfect miniature. It was fabulous!!

Unfortunately hubby was not so impressed and adamantly refused to fork out the requested $15 plus sales tax, but I did check it out on Amazon when I got home, where it sells for considerably less (another nail in Borders coffin). I'll definitely be bearing this one in mind next time I need to bulk up my order to qualify for super saver delivery.

And of course, not only would this book give me the opportunity to surround myself with a woolly menagerie of pedigree pooches, it would provide me with a whole range of superfluous conversation stoppers of my very own.  The next time a totally disinterested sales assistants asks “how’s your day going?”, personally I think: “Great thank-you – I’ve cast on a Pit Bull, stitched two legs on a Springer Spaniel and have just stuffed my first West Highland terrier" could be the perfect answer.