Since arriving in California two years ago we have been living a comparatively quiet life. Not that we were out partying every weekend when we lived in the UK but with family and friends close by, our social life could well be described as "active" - ie at least we had one. Most weekends we would be out and about somewhere, if not I was happy to invent an excuse and entertain at home.
Here it has been decidedly different. Despite Americans having this reputation for being highly sociable, and yes I do only have to hand over my driving licence for ID and I’m on first name terms with the sales assistant, this is not the start of a beautiful friendship.
My husband has tried to arrange entertaining team building events with his multi-cultural work colleagues, but by the time he has taken into account the religious restrictions, those who wont eat carbs after six and those who need to be in bed before nine, he’s left with very few willing bodies.
The mainstay of our social life here revolves around a small group of fellow ex-pat Brits – not because we are xenophobic, but quite simply because these are the only people who have ever shown a genuine interest in meeting up or going out.
Building new friendships take time, but when you do meet people in the same ex-pat situation you tend to bond very quickly, especially with no other commitments or distractions.
My husband has tried to arrange entertaining team building events with his multi-cultural work colleagues, but by the time he has taken into account the religious restrictions, those who wont eat carbs after six and those who need to be in bed before nine, he’s left with very few willing bodies.
The mainstay of our social life here revolves around a small group of fellow ex-pat Brits – not because we are xenophobic, but quite simply because these are the only people who have ever shown a genuine interest in meeting up or going out.
Building new friendships take time, but when you do meet people in the same ex-pat situation you tend to bond very quickly, especially with no other commitments or distractions.
Leasehold apartment living is not particularly conducive to entertaining at home - stand four people on my balcony and it's decidedly crowded, plus I've neither the crockery, cooking utensils or desire to cater for anything other than a plateful of nibbles.
When we want to meet up we tend to go out - but the trouble with dining out over here is that the majority of the waiting staff seem to be on some sort of speed-serving competition. Trying to make a meal last more than hour is extremely difficult - a recent night out with a couple of girlfriends involved planning a meal at a restaurant at least a twenty minute walk away so that we'd be out of the house long enough for the kids to watch a complete DVD in our absence. As it was the main course was delivered whilst we were still tucking into our bruschetta and the bottle of rose we'd ordered to last the entire meal was poured into three large glasses and the empty bottle and ice bucket whisked away before we even had a chance to say please could we have another!
Americans might like to be in and out of a restaurant in record time but us Europeans we do like to linger. Despite assurances of "in your own time" or "whenever you're ready" as soon as that bill is presented I feel the staff are willing us to go - often without the option of dessert or coffee even being offered.
Where's the rush? Do they think we have somewhere better to go? Obviously yes because when you leave any American restaurant the staff will always wish you to "have a good evening" as you head out the door. Back home a meal in a restaurant would have been the entire evening's entertainment and we’d have been wished a “good night” as we left. Here I always end up thinking That was my evening and its only 8 o’clock…….
Where's the rush? Do they think we have somewhere better to go? Obviously yes because when you leave any American restaurant the staff will always wish you to "have a good evening" as you head out the door. Back home a meal in a restaurant would have been the entire evening's entertainment and we’d have been wished a “good night” as we left. Here I always end up thinking That was my evening and its only 8 o’clock…….
I agree that we Europeans like to linger, at least where leisure and food are concerned. Lingering over a nice meal with friends, or a glass of wine, or sitting outside with a cup of coffee watching the world go by, or spending hours in a cozy cafe over a book - we like these things. I wonder if it comes from the way we take pleasure in things like food and drink, not viewing them merely as something that simply "keeps us going" or from a different way of looking at things altogether, I do not know. But I do miss "lingering" here, that's for sure. Of course I did not appreciate this aspect at all when I lived in Europe. But strangely enough, although now my thoughts are preoccupied with analyzing how things work in the US, in that way I think about Europe much more and I love it much more than I did before, and for this I am very grateful. US proves to be a good teacher for me - I learn here about myself much faster than I did when I lived back at home.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree - life is a learning curve and there are an awful lot of lessons to be learned over here! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my blog! Rosie
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